What’s this giant spider that looks like a bird’s-nest Transformer and is alternately good or evil depending on whim? Hey, at least it’s weird. How are invisible bugs and butterflies being used to make cursed cupcakes? Randomly. For director Breck Eisner and his screenwriters, the magic word is “randomly”: Randomly, Eisner keeps whipping up freaky digital effects, then explaining what happened later, if at all. Sorting out the storyline is like being Medusa’s barber. The movie left me amazed - amazed that Nicolas Cage wasn’t in it. Most Manhattan witches are content to hang out in an enchanted bar with candles and silks - it looks like Stevie Nicks’ basement - where a cute redheaded witch named Chloe (Rose Leslie) agrees to help Kaulder and another priest (Elijah Wood) solve a mystery that suggests the Witch Queen’s brand of evil is still alive. Magic that can do very bad things”? Elijah Wood Scott Garfield There’s a pact that witches will be left alone unless they harm humans, but what penalty is there for screenwriters who harmed my human ears with dialogue like, “You’ve got magic in your blood. In today’s Manhattan, Kaulder and the priest sidekick (Caine) he calls “kid” celebrate a long history of catching sorcerers together. In “The Last Witch Hunter” they work together at last, each of them seizing the opportunity to showcase his own special talent to, say, convey wry sagacity or to convey having just spent four hours blasting his trapezius muscles.ĭiesel, wearing one of the least convincing chin wigs since Milhouse played Abe Lincoln on “The Simpsons,” is Kaulder, who 800 years ago did battle with the Witch Queen (Julie Engelbrecht), who, with her dying breath, cursed her killer to live forever. Rated PG-13 (fantasy violence).īetween them, Vin Diesel and Michael Caine have won two Oscars, and it’s high time they joined forces.

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